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Literature Text
Somewhere in the galaxy Far away, in a lonely solar system...
It's a period of world war,
Cangurmookans, the herbivores and Tutraksas, the carnivores
2 great species fight each other,
Who will control the territory.
One is for the Egalitarianism, one is for the Authoritarianism,
They use magic with the relics
the power damage the planet.
It's been over two centuries,
The resistants are dying,
Only three managed to escape...
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Here a teaser of my new book story that you will be able to read it as ebook 
For moment, I haven't finished the prologue I only have it done and available.
ps: i don't in which category this submission should be....
edit: i changed elitism to authoritaruanism, i found out it's what the exact opposite of egalitarianism, which it's perfect!
For moment, I haven't finished the prologue I only have it done and available.
ps: i don't in which category this submission should be....
edit: i changed elitism to authoritaruanism, i found out it's what the exact opposite of egalitarianism, which it's perfect!
Comments4
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Hey Allaze, very awesome work on this one! I've always wondered how exactly to go about introducing characters and stories, and a little poetic snippet like this is a good idea.
It gives us a good introduction to the general concept and peoples, and what exactly is going down. A war between two races, with only a few survivors? Oooh shoot! The simplicity of it reads very well, and the vagueness provides a sense of mystery. Your grammar's looking great, too! For critiques, I would change up the first line. "Somewhere in the galaxy Far away..." is a very tired line, sort of like "once upon a time". Instead, perhaps you could hint at the magi-tech that makes this universe unique. An idea: "In a lonely system, where magic and science reigns..." or something in this area. Mix it up and see what sounds fresh!
The only other crits I can offer are simple English grammatical ones: line 5 should end as a question, line 8 should be "The power damaged the planet.", and in the last line the word should be a singular "threes". Overall your English is looking really good, and if your story needs a second beta reader just hit me up! I wish you lots of luck on this first draft, and I'm behind ya on it.
Excellent job, Allaze! I'm excited!! <3
It gives us a good introduction to the general concept and peoples, and what exactly is going down. A war between two races, with only a few survivors? Oooh shoot! The simplicity of it reads very well, and the vagueness provides a sense of mystery. Your grammar's looking great, too!
For critiques, I would change up the first line. "Somewhere in the galaxy Far away..." is a very tired line, sort of like "once upon a time". Instead, perhaps you could hint at the magi-tech that makes this universe unique. An idea: "In a lonely system, where magic and science reigns..." or something in this area. Mix it up and see what sounds fresh!The only other crits I can offer are simple English grammatical ones: line 5 should end as a question, line 8 should be "The power damaged the planet.", and in the last line the word should be a singular "threes". Overall your English is looking really good, and if your story needs a second beta reader just hit me up! I wish you lots of luck on this first draft, and I'm behind ya on it.
Excellent job, Allaze! I'm excited!! <3